Tell Them – “It Gets Better”.
If you’re looking for a tremendous example of using social media for good, here it is.
I doesn’t involve donating money. But it’s beautiful, and powerful. And learning about it made me cry.
Dan Savage is asking adults to tell youth “it gets better”.
(From the Georgia Straight: )
“In response to the suicide of Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old gay teenager from Indiana who hung himself on September 9 after suffering from bullying, Savage started a YouTube channel as a place where people can post videos with messages of hope for LGBT youth.
Hundreds of responses have already been uploaded by individuals who faced similar struggles in their adolescence.”
Michael Buckley of “What the Buck?”
I don’t know what it’s like to grow up gay – but I understand that for many it’s not a pleasant experience (to say the least). What I do know something, or rather plenty, about is how crappy it is to feel disliked, alienated, bullied and out-of-sync with those around you. The thing I hated most about my childhood was going to school – from when I was about 7-14, because, for a number of reasons, I was the school freak. I spent recess and lunches alone and would often eat hiding in a bathroom stall to avoid the insults and the taunting. Then there was the general awkwardness of always being watched and criticized, and of being alone in an environment where no one else was. Simply put, it sucked. I was in a very dark place over those years – but I was fortunate enough to somehow think that maybe it could get better. Maybe, if I was finally allowed to change schools, someone would think I was likable and worthy. Maybe.
It’s the idea that “maybe” this would change, the true hope and belief that it wasn’t always going to be like this – that it couldn’t – that was the reason I didn’t really consider suicide. But I also had the advantage of living in a big city (Montreal) where I saw plenty of different people. And not all of them were walking down the city streets alone. Even most of the weirdos had found a compatible weirdo. It seemed if I could just get out of the insular fishbowl that was my school, I could make it.
Or at least, that’s how I recall why I didn’t throw in the towel. Really, I don’t know what saved me. But I am so grateful that I didn’t give up, because, while it took time, I’ve never been as happy with my life and as comfortable with myself as I am now.
Which is why I am so touched by this project and what it could mean to the teens who don’t yet know that it won’t always suck.
There’s been some improvement over the years in terms of society’s acceptance and acknowledgement of LGBT, but it’s still far from where it needs to be. While our society works through these issues, it’s crucial to have teens understand that elementary and high school isn’t “the end”. And that how you are defined – and define yourself – especially once out of these environments, is largely up to you. Showing people who have made it through, who now have self-acceptance and a support network – I can’t say enough about how inspiring a message that sends to gay youth, as well as others dealing with difficulties and being “different”.
Please participate in this project if you feel you have something to contribute. Let LGBT teens know that it does get better. So much better.
You’re not a Product: But You are Your Presence
Here is the article I contributed to the May 2010 issue of Dan Schawbel’s “Personal Branding Magazine” entitled: “You’re not a Product: But You are Your Presence”:
Are people products when it comes to branding? The answer is somewhat complex. When we expect companies to become more “human” we often forget just how inconsistent humans are. We can be overwhelming responsible overall and still act like fools on occasion. Yet, when it comes to a public image – especially online, first impressions do matter. Likewise, our continued online presence has a strong bearing on our business: who we are affects who responds to us – and how they respond. You don’t need to be a walking slogan, but should be aware of perceptions.
The web already includes facets of you: mentions about what you do and images from gatherings, to name just a few. Social Media can you help represent yourself optimally. Take Twitter for example, where you’re able to prove yourself as an expert in your field, while simultaneously conveying the person behind the work. You’re already endearing, right? So leverage that fully.
Firstly, take control of your Twitter background and make it as evocative of your personal/business front. (And unless your business caters to fly-vision don’t tile the background with an image.) Include your url and have your bio describe what you want to be recognized for/as. Know that you can only be seen to be so many things. I know someone whose business card has at least 12 distinct professions including “Pilot”, “Film Director” and “Psychic”. It makes him seem sub-par at all. Such is the case when a bio includes “Doctor, Real Estate Agent, Career Coach”. What are the key things you do? Just like a first date, no one expects (or wants) to know everything right off the bat.
And when you tweet, don’t always be “on message”. Someone who only talks about business – especially his business – is a dull fellow indeed. Who are you after work? Again, you don’t have to be too revealing but do let people in on your interests. You don’t want to give the impression that you wear a tie in your leisure time and mumble “I can increase your sales with just one click “in your sleep.
Of course, you’re there to make friends and influence people, so be sure to answer questions, offer advice, help people and share valuable information. The beauty is that you don’t have to shill yourself: by virtue of participating in these ways, you showcase your expertise.
And always be mindful of what you say. In real life, your interactions have social cues and a greater context, so every comment matters less. It’s worth checking how your Twitter posts (as well as status updates on other sites, post comments etc.) appear when read in succession. Do you frequently complain or use negative phrasing? Looking at the content objectively, what would you surmise about this person?
A person isn’t really a product. But if you optimize your web presence you might find yourself selling yourself – without needing to hard sell.
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Note: Now online – video of my Northern Voice talk on “Finding Your Online Voice”.
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Interview with Pourhouse about their Twitter Strategy
Recently, I was preparing a presentation on Twitter for a client*. To emphasize the benefits of using Twitter, I wanted to give them an example of a business in their industry (restaurant) which had seen results. I emailed some questions to Chuck McIntosh of Pourhouse and he was kind enough to respond. (Note: find them on Twitter at @pourhouse_van)
Here’s what he had to say:
Q: What were/are your key objectives re: using Twitter?
Chuck: few things we focus on using Twitter:
1. To generate positive awareness and new customers for our business.
2. To constantly keep top of mind consciousness.
3. To keep in touch and communicate with customers, their needs, and moderate feedback.
Q: How do you use Twitter to drive business, communicate etc.? Do you use Twitter separately or is it part of a larger social media strategy?
Chuck: We use multiple social sites to drive business and to communicate with customers. Yes, we use both Twitter and Facebook among others, they all work together to create our social network.
Q: What benefits and results have you seen from what you’ve done?
Chuck: Consistent feedback from customers in real time, people tweet straight from the bar or their table about their experiences. Whether good or bad, we can address it immediately which has been fantastic for us. Another obvious benefit is the awareness it creates. If someone is having a positive experience and they share that, others read it and want to try Pourhouse as well. If you consistently strive to make every customers experience great, then you are getting a consistent feed of testimonials sent out from people to their friends, you can’t beat that. And if there are negative ones, you can monitor them and deal with both the customers concerns and with your staff immediately. It’s a great monitoring system.
Q: Would love some links to coverage you’ve received re: your use of social media.
Chuck: http://www.pourhousevancouver.com/media.html
Many of these articles came from the awareness that our network creates.
Q: Can you offer tips or suggestions for others in your industry in terms of what you’ve learned, discovered?
Chuck: When using Social Media, be real and authentic, be consistent, and contribute.
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*On a related topic: In July, Tanya Roberts and I will be running a Twitter for Business Workshop together. If you would like to be put into our database to be notified of the date of this session – or to find out about future monthly workshops, please enter your name and email into this form.
One more thing: Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen wrote a great post “How to Find Your Blogging Voice – 8 Tips for Bloggers” which mentions some points from the “Finding Your Online Voice” talk I gave at Northern Voice.
Psychology and Social Media (Part III) – on OneDegree: Anonymity
(Note: This post was originally written for – and published on – OneDegree)
Our hearts raced.
Our friend picked up the phone.
“You smell bad!” we said in unison, masking our voices in creepy falsetto. Then we slammed down the phone and laughed.
I was a tween in a time before the ubiquity of Caller ID/Display and prank calls were in vogue. I was slightly ashamed of what we were doing, and yet we made the calls, and our ability to do this ugly, passive-aggressiveness and hurtful thing was facilitated by one critical factor: anonymity.
Without this cloak we were kind to our friend with whom we, clearly, had some issues. There were certainly more effective and decidedly more respectable ways to address our problems. Did we have the emotional maturity to do so? Clearly not. And the lack of identity gave us free reign to express our feelings honestly – and distastefully.
The benefit of online anonymity is often provided in the extreme. It enables users to offer information or perspective without fear of retribution or recrimination (e.g. whistleblowing, expressing political points of view under repressive regimes). Stigma is also a consideration: a person might be hesitant to attach their name because the revelations might lead them face discrimination (e.g. at their workplace for certain points of view or for their sexual orientation) and someone, for instance, who experienced sexual abuse or is dealing with depression might want to comment on a blog post or forum to express solidarity – but not if it meant revealing their identity to everyone.
Of course many anonymous remarks don’t fall under these categories. And while online anonymity, which has long been a contentious issue, allows for the expression of honest points of view, it is also an appropriate shelter from which to fire off damaging or defamatory remarks. It is theorized that “Good Lamps Are the Best Police” and anonymity – and even the illusion of anonymity – provides a cloak under which to operate, and is an excellent sanctuary for those wishing to use the internet for hateful comments, intimidation and character assassinations.
Recent occurrences have once again thrown this issue into the spotlight. There are, as just a few examples, a court case which requests the unveiling of anonymous posters who made defamatory comments, a newspaper which revealed their discovery that the anonymous comments on their site which were “disparaging a local lawyer, were made using the e-mail address of a judge who was presiding over some of that lawyer’s cases”, Anonymously authored blogs exist, as do as skewed Amazon reviews made under a pseudonym and social sites or applications that encourage anonymous feedback.
The sad truth is that people sometimes comport themselves differently when their identity is not known. Even those comments which express honest dissenting opinion frequently lack respect when posted anonymously. The anonymity adds yet another layer of distance from the other party: without the person in front of you, you can avoid considering his/her emotions and possible reactions, but now that you that your identity is also concealed, it is easy to dispense with any civility at all.
Take for instance a comment on a blog that remarks something such as:
“This post makes it clear you are a complete moron. I would be embarrassed to be you.”
How? Why?
With anonymity the opportunity is presented to phrase even one’s legitimate opinions in an inconsiderate and scathing way. Were there an obligation to attach one’s name – and all the reputation that may go with it – the user might be more inclined to take into account the other party’s humanity and feelings and rather than release vitriolic comments, perhaps provide constructive criticism.
Scott Rosenberg of Salon.com makes the argument that moderation rather than “real names” would help to encourage responsible discourse. This makes good sense with respect to online conversations not descending into “barroom brawls” but does not address the difficulty in distinguishing between true and untrue statements made online. And, without attaching identity, there is also no way of gauging the perspective/conflict of interest of the party.
Writes Randy Cohen: “’Says who?’ is not a trivial question. It deepens the reader’s understanding to know who is speaking, from what perspective, with what (nutty?) history, and with what personal stake in the matter.
Certainly, anonymous posters aren’t the only ones who write distastefully or choose to grind their axe online. But this allowance does grant a great deal of power without responsibility. Power on its own can be a dangerous intoxicant. Without repercussions it becomes even more worrisome.
Recall the question: “Would you kill someone if no one would ever know you did it?” Replace “kill” with “defame” and you have a fair concern for the internet age.
Note: If would like to recommend articles or books, please feel free to suggest in the comments, or contact me through Twitter.
Product vs. Presence
This is just a quick plug to mention that I contributed an article to the May 2010 issue of Dan Schawbel’s “Personal Branding Magazine“. My piece is entitled: “You’re not a Product: But You are Your Presence”.
Here is the issue summary:
Volume 3, Issue 4 is focused on celebrity spokespeople, and includes interviews with famous individuals, such as Kathy Ireland, a former model turned entrepreneur, and Vanna White, from the TV hit “Wheel of Fortune.” Celebrities are able to maximize their brand, leverage it, and even endorse products and other companies. In this issue, you will learn how to become the ultimate spokesperson for your own personal brand, and achieve success. You’ll read tips and tricks on how to turn your voice into money!
Dan is offering a free sample (containing 9 of the articles) on his blog. Apologies though, I’m posting about this late, so I’m not sure that if you end up subscribing you can receive the full version of this particular issue anymore.
However, I will post my article next month on this blog for my lovely and patient readers.
Where in the World is Monica Hamburg – Spring 2010
Me Like the Internet will be taking a siesta until mid June while its author (er, me) goes on vacation. (Although there might be one or two posts popping up during this period.)
In July, Tanya Roberts and I plan on running a Twitter for Business Workshop together. If you would like to be put into our database to be notified of the date of this session – or to find out about future monthly workshops, please enter your name and email into this form.
Have a lovely time while I’m away!
Cheers!
—
The title (in case you are frightfully younger than me) is from the “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego ” game – I loved the game most especially because the fugitive would run around carrying the flag of the country he was in. Now that’s an excellent criminal thinking.*
*Yes, I’ve used this joke before. I’ll be using my vacation time to come up with new material.
And, finally: a bunny pic! Happiness.
Online Voice – Part 5 – Presentation for Northern Voice
Here’s the presentation on “Finding Your Online Voice” that I’m giving at Northern Voice today (wish me luck 🙂 ).
To read other posts I wrote on this topic, click here.
Updated: For the video of my talk, click here.
Online Voice – Part 4 – What can you do to find your voice?
Note: This is the 4th part in the series I’m writing on “Finding Your Online Voice” (in part to prepare for my Northern Voice talk) . To find the other posts, click here.
As Isabella Mori pointed out nicely in her comment, it’s the “how” of “being yourself” that’s troublesome.
Truly, “Be Yourself!” is a tall and painfully vague order. I remember this advice from when I was young(er, er) and just starting to date. And before job interviews. And auditions. And. And. And.
And therein lies the problem. Sometimes who you are, really, is not readily apparent to you. Sure, you have a vague idea, but do you really know? (For instance, recently, at a friend’s wedding, the groom made a toast and described me as having a very big heart. Sure, he was drinking at the time, but descriptions like that floor me.)
We all have an image of ourselves. Further, there are things we want to project and aspects we are uncomfortable showing. And some traits which we come to value more over time. For instance, my sense of humor has only recently been any public use to me at all. Being funny isn’t something we tend to encourage in women. One of my friend’s remarked (quite profoundly, I think) that if you saw two people on a date, and it was the man who was laughing at what the woman said, it would strike you as odd. Women aren’t the ones expected to be funny. (To that effect, there’s a recent article that talks about this in the latest Scientific Mind.) I am also aware that being caustic has implications in how people perceive me. I occasionally have to make an effort not to censor myself too much to avoid those judgments.
We are frequently encouraged to stifle our personalities and silence our voices. It’s certainly been the case with some aspects of my personality and my experiences. In fact, I think for many of us, who we are, is to some extent not who we were supposed to be.
So we want to write smarter, have people believe we are [insert characteristic here (upbeat, professional, charming, together etc.)] I tried a few times to be be poised, because I think women who are, are lovely. I can’t hack it though, and it becomes really painful…
Now, how do we get to who we really are… Of course, write, write, write (Oh, noes…). Also, ask your friends what they think of you. No, really. Just tell them to tell you the stuff they like.
With regards to suggestions, let’s begin from there:
- Ask your friends how they would describe you. Try this: Your best friend meets a new co-worker that she thinks would gel perfectly with you. She says, “Oh! You have to meet my friend!” He says, “Really?! Why?” She responds, “well, she’s just like you, she’s _____. “ What would your friend say here? Use any many adjectives as you can. This will give you some idea of your positive (or, at least, enjoyable ) traits.
- Read other blogs. You’ll learn what you like, what inspires you and, as Dave Taylor notes in this brilliant tip: “One of the best ways to learn your blogging voice is to read a lot of other bloggers and ask yourself whether you’re comfortable with their writing style, whether they seem to be a friend chatting with you or some self-important twit pontificating, and which you find most appealing. Then be inspired by that and try to create a writing persona that matches what you believe are the best practices.”
- Did you particularly enjoy writing a specific post? Or feel proud of it? Look at why: is it more “like you”? Did you enjoy the way you approached it? Sometimes it’s that one post in which you find your voice.
- If you are interesting in writing content that is more intimate, more revealing, take a look at Isabella’s book recommendations and this blog post on “Blogging Yourself Home“. (With respect to journaling privately, I also enjoyed her post on “using your negative voice“.)
- Even if you don’t consider yourself “a writer”, you can find the authentic “you”. To make the process less daunting, take Matt Crowe’s advice on how to finding your voice as a blogger: “Think about what do you absolutely love doing more than anything else in life and blog about that.”
- Jean Berg-Sarauer also suggests journaling: “When you let yourself write about anything you want with no intention of ever showing your words to another living soul, it feels safe to be real. And the more you let your authentic voice come out in your private journal, the easier it will get to bring it out for your readers.”
- Additionally Jean advises that bloggers let their writing suck on initial drafts – to be cleaned up later. I understand how difficult it is to allow yourself to do so, but she’s right, it really helps. You can forget about proper spelling and grammar for a moment, and give yourself permission to leave blanks when you can’t find the words (trust me, getting stuck on trying to find that elusive word can be time-consuming and inspiration killing). You might feel like a dolt during the process (“Wow, I can’t even formulate sentences… What an idiot,” but allowing yourself to just write without censoring, just as it pours out of you can be very eye-opening – and freeing.
Note: I’ll be posting the slides for my talk tomorrow on this blog, and on Slideshare.
Online Voice – Part 3 – Why do people care about your blog?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/katie_made_me_do_it/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
(Note: This is the 3rd part of a series I’m writing in preparation for my Northern Voice talk on “Finding Your Online Voice“. (1rst & 2nd)
On the survey I sent to bloggers, I also asked:
“Why Do People Care About Your Blog?
What do you think (or have you heard as feedback) that makes people read your blog?
There are many, many blogs around. The fact that a blogs has any audience at all beyond the blogger’s immediate family is often a testament to a blogger’s persistence (sticking around, continuing to blog, and allowing their voice and audience to develop). Oh, and there’s also that ever important content thing.
The feedback I get is mostly with respect to my Your Dose of Lunacy blog. People tend to read it because they think it’s funny. I also hear: because “you find the weirdest things” (some people can walk tightrope, noticing the freaky appears to be my gift). Another popular response is that they have the same raunchy sense of humour, or taste in inappropriate, but (for obvious reasons) feel they should resist making that aspect of themselves public. So my blog appeals to them. And is an outlet.
Basically, people read that blog because it’s funny. If it ceased to be, I would lose my audience. They go there for amusement. That’s fine with me because it gels with why I write the blog – fittingly, it’s to amuse.
Here are a few reason the bloggers provided for why people read their blog:
| Miranda Lievers
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As a business blog we are read by all sorts of clients – past, present, and future along with people in our industry from other photographers to wedding planners and the like. We’re also often surprised to hear that we have a lot of readers who fall into neither category – girls who don’t even have a boyfriend following along with our wedding work because the images themselves resonate with them.
Our blog allows people to get to know us as people more than our work on its own ever could, and I love that! |
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| Classifies her blog as: Business |
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| Erica Lam The Style Spy |
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| Classifies her blog as: Style/Fashion/Shopping |
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| Monique Trottier | The feedback and comments are usually from people who want to thank me for sharing a particular book or insight. They care because they’re interested in the same sorts of books, or they want to share what they find interesting. It’s nice. | |
| Classifies her blog as:
Book blog, with a bit of technology, marketing, tap dancing and party tricks |
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| Eagranie Yuh |
I write about chocolate.I was going to leave it at that, because that’s probably one major reason people read it. Other reasons include the curation factor: that I’m sourcing chocolate and talking about issues so that other people don’t have to look for that information themselves. And also that I present an expert opinion – my background in science and chocolate makes me a credible source.And, the voice thing. People like my voice. I like to think that I make an esoteric topic (artisan chocolate, science) accessible and fun. | |
| Classifies her blog as: Food (specifically chocolate, often science, sometimes pastries/sweets/candy) |
Online Voice – Part 2 – Advice from bloggers on finding your voice
http://www.flickr.com/photos/katerw/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
As I mentioned in the last post, I’m presently work on my Northern Voice talk that deals with “Finding Your Online Voice“. This post is the 2nd in the series. (The first is here.)
I asked a few bloggers I knew to fill out a short survey. One of the questions was:
“Did you have any difficulty finding your online voice? If so, how did you discover it? Do you have any tips on that for new bloggers?”
(Yes, these are three separate questions I asked as one. This made the form look shorter and hence. more likely to be filled in, and I apologize to no one for that! No one!)
Here are some of the astute responses:
Me Like The Interweb 
